ncbeeny,
Sorry for the troubles and confusion. First off, the next release of JFBConnect (v5.1) will have a very improved administration area and should make things easier to use.
To update the main component, you need to download the latest from this site and then use the Joomla Installer to install it just like it is a 'new' installation. You don't need to uninstall first or do anything else like FTP'ing files.
It sounds like you already tried that, and you said that didn't work. Can you explain what happened when it didn't work, or any error messages you may have received?
We'll gladly help however we can, and again, apologize for the inconvenience. We realize our update process and admin area could use some improvement, and plan to fix some (hopefully most) of the issues our users may be running into with the next big release in August.
Thanks,
Alex