Thanks for the swift response !
Here are my responses
check that you have the "Auto Login Facebook Users" and "Log out of Joomla Only" settings int he Login/Logout Redirections area set to No.
/yes this is the case they have alwas been set to no!
This has not helped
Now, if that doesn't change anything (and it likely won't because I think you may have bigger issues), let me go through how it should work:
Logging out of your site
* User logs into your site through Facebook
guess this means they are logged into facebook and then come to my ste and press login with facebook button?
* If they logout of your site (and you have Logout of Joomla Only set to no), they should be logged out of Facebook as well. Please try this, and go to Facebook.com to see if you're still logged in.
I have tried this and I am still logged into Facebook after logging out by pressing the logout button in the facebook connect module. I can then click login again and always be logged back in
* If they then click the Login With Facebook button, the pop-up should appear asking for credentials
No, as you can see from my notes above, they are smply logged right back in
Logging out of Facebook in the background
* User logs into your site through Facebook
I can get this bit working 
* They go to Facebook.com in another tab, and logout
Done this
* User should remain logged into your site (as a Joomla user), but they shouldn't be logged in through Facebook. This can be determined by seeing if the user's profile picture shows in the JFBCLogin module (needs to be enabled to show).
This all happens ! whoo hoo !
* After logging out of Facebook, you may need to refresh your page a few times for the avatar to dissappear, this is until Faceboook successfully clears your cookie - this shouldn't take more than about 3-4 page-loads
Re-logging in
In all cases, if you're using JFBCLogin, and the username/password fields appear, when you click the Login With Facebook button it should not update the Usermap of a different user. If this is happening, that's not right.
However, if you're logged into Joomla and see a "Reconnect" blue button and use it, that will update the user's mapping. The reconnect feature is meant to allow a different Facebook account to be associated with the currently logged in user. You can disable reconnections in the JFBCLogin parameters.
by the way, since turning of the Reconnect Feature of JFBClogin I am now logged out every time I refresh the page. Please help me to sort this. I have sent via PM super user access and urls. please do not publish them. I have used the thread title as the subject of the email.